X-Men Apocalypse gets the villain (Apocalypse) completely wrong

Another comic book movie that everyone is excited about and another botched character I’m reluctantly called to shine the light of truth on: the latest X-Men movie completely and totally botched its title villain, Apocalypse.

THIS IS WHAT APOCALYPSE IS [SUPPOSED TO BE]:

BACKGROUND: Born around 5,000 years ago in the middle east and named En Sabah Nur (“the first one”), he was the first being on earth to express the X-gene which is the mutation that makes “mutants” in the Marvel universe, giving people with it altered appearances, deformities, super powers, and often both. He possess the mutant ability of total control over the molecules in his body which allows him to turn limbs into weapons and grow in size and density, has augmented his powers with alien technology over the years, and has had thousands of years to acquire knowledge, skills, and said technology as he doesn’t age. Raised under a strict “survival of the fittest” ideology, En Sabah Nur had some experiences that made him bitter toward the world after societal and romantic rejection in where he renamed himself Apocalypse and became a chaotic-evil sort of force with various motives.

APPEARANCE: Apocalypse is a grayish purple armored version of what Mike Tyson would look like if he turned into The Hulk. He is physically massive with bulky muscles that rested on a huge boxy framed body covered in futuristic armor with a bald head poking out that has piercing robotic lit up eyes and a blue chinstrap around his lips that jut downward in a permanent Star-Wars-Stormtrooper-helmet style stern frown. In addition to his bulk are disproportionate Popeye style forearm clasps and a triangular upper body.

PRESENTATION: I dropped out of the X-Men animated series in the 90s before any Apocalypse episodes, but his presentation in print form is always very serious and stern looking combined with an imposing size that gives him a bouncer/bodyguard tone in that depictions of him merely standing at ease appear threatening.

 

THIS IS WHAT “X-MEN APOCALYPSE COULD HAVE DONE: 

For his first film representation and appearing in the 9th X-Men movie, Apocalypse could cover a variety of themes and settings. This could be 21st Century Fox’s chance to one-up the Disney-owned&distributed Avengers: Age Of Ultron by doing an Age of Apocalypse storyline or theme the way Ultron should have been done (for those of you not caught up on the politics of the studios: Disney owns Marvel but 21st Century Fox owns the film rights to the Fantastic 4 and the X-Men, so these movies take place in conceivably different universes than The Avengers movies or Agents of SHIELD, since they are made by different production studios with different rights to the sections of the Marvel intellectual property archives). The story should be as epic and threatening as the villains name. This should be a depiction for the ages, spanning time and globe in threat of apocalyptic proportions.

APPEARANCE: The character needs to be a visually titanic force with an imposing boxy frame similar to his original art. This is because even when in his normal size, Apocalypse needs to be depicted as meta-human in size and visible strength. The character should appear nigh-invulnerable before any demonstration of his super powers to increase the villains threat level and overall cool-factor.

PRESENTATION: Like Disney did with Ultron, Apocalypse should be an entirely digital character, though unlike Ultron, show much more facial nuance and expression, similar to what Disney did with Davey Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

 

 

THIS IS WHAT “X-MEN APOCALYPSE” DID INSTEAD:

Removal of the imposing frame, size, disproportionate armor, and masculine robotically jagged edges. Replaced with smooth and flowing feminine features to face and armor. All makeup and costume with no special effects, resulting in a blue version of the “Engineer” from Prometheus wearing a metal suit.

APPEARANCE: A thin regular sized human in obvious makeup and costume accessory resulting in a silly looking combination of the gay Persian king Xerxes from 300 and Ivan Ooze from 1995’s Power Rangers movie.

PRESENTATION:

What an absolute waste…

Here’s the trailer you’re all so misguidedly excited about…

Recap: Everything about this character is wrong and your approval of it is helping perpetuate such terrible film depictions of great characters.

And you people are all wrong for liking it -___-