How do you like your Injuns?
I know Depp likes to take his characters to a counter-culture punk rocky eccentric level in various forms, but I think it was a mistake to play Tonto as this face painted weirdo the whole movie. Indians could use some flair in their fantasy media representation and I like the look and everything – just not for an entire movie. It’s a sometimes outfit. Like my green blazer. It’s not what you wear every day.
When it comes to faux-indians I prefer em like this:
Less so much like this:
(click here if you don’t get it)
And probably least of which, like this.
So please take note, Media. thx
Identity Thief
iPhone GPS took us to a theater that doesn’t exist to go see Evil Dead so we went and saw Identity Thief at the “$3-a-ticket-cuz-these-movies-came-out-5-months-ago” theater and it wasn’t half bad. it wasn’t half good either, but that chick from Bridesmaids knows wtf she’s doing. She was the source of, I think, every single laugh in the movie and even killed it in her dramatic scenes.
One cant-be-good sign was that the chick I went with nodded off at a couple points during the movie. I’m gonna go ahead and blame her alcoholism and the fact that the flick ended after midnight when she hadn’t slept much the night before – but that doesn’t take away the possibility of it having been a long-con excuse to not go back to my place.
I know nothing of the 1980s
Someone recently made a Revenge of the Nerds reference that went completely over my head because my only knowledge of that movie is the title. It was on the channel that would later become the WB and then later become the CW and then later become the WhoCaresNoOnesWatching Channel in the 90s but thats the point: I only know of it due to play in the 90s.
I don’t know anything 80s. I haven’t seen any of your precious nostalgic movies you claim are so awesome. Not Goonies, not Top Gun, not Indiana Jones, not Ghost Busters, Blues Brothers, Blade Runner, Scarface, Stand by Me, Breakfast Club – pretty much nothing.
I think maybe its cuz i saw ET and i thought it was such boring contrived horse shit that i became uninterested in anything else from the decade. My media memory starts with 1990 for some reason.
Cartoon Redheads who must never be seen…
I always imagined Nanny from Muppet Babies being a redhead.
Then I wondered if she was related to Sarah Bellum from the Power Puff Girls who is also a redhead whose face the audience never see’s.
Then I just freaked myself out by realizing that the “little redheaded girl” that Charlie Brown has a crush on is also never seen by the audience and neither is the mom from the old Tom & Jerry cartoons and she has an Irish accent, which makes it very likely that she too has red hair…
What is going on here?
There has to be an explanation for this streak of animated orange-hairs with no face…
But what could it be? What historical dots could be connected that could possibly explain cartoon redheads with no face? and why is this unique to American animation? What could have happened in American animated history to introduce this race of Headless Reds?
And then it dawned on me… THIS guy… Read More
Lessons from Le Mis: Relentless Goodness & Knowledge as Power
I’ve never seen the musical on stage but the soundtrack is decent and the story is good so i’ll be seeing the new version in theaters, especially since its an excuse to take my mom who would otherwise be unwilling to drag my dad to go see it with her despite wanting to.
I only know the story from having Netflixed (as a mail-in DVD around 2002) the 1998 non-musical film with Liam Nieson as Jean ValJean and Jeffery Rush as Javert and I liked the lessons it had to teach.
On the surface the story is about crappy situations life puts us in. If you look deeper, its actually about our choices in what direction to go in such situations. This takes form in government oppression and revolution, crime and punishment, love and family and other smaller instances but the 2 male leads are the most interesting competing interests to me.
The story shows a dichotomy of the law and morality. ValJean is on the right side of morality but the wrong side of the law. Javert is on the wrong side of morality but the right side of the law. These 2 competing interests cannot reconcile. Either the law or goodness must relent. But neither of these 2 men are willing to do so. Neither will compromise their intention. ValJean will do what is right regardless of the circumstances or consequences. Javert will execute the law regardless of the circumstances or consequences.
ValJean is not inherently good. He is not a saint. He is a survivor who only becomes good and a performer of saintly work after being given the chance and more importantly – a reason – to do so. He carries guilt from his deeds and lives a life to make amends for them. He was mistreated and abused and acted accordingly but after being shown compassion and having been gifted to tools to reform, he promptly chose to do so.
Javert is not inherently bad. He is not evil. He is an authority who comes to wield his power wickedly only through intent to purge the wickedness that is so rife in his surroundings. He carries the guilt of having come from “the gutter”, from a prostitute mother and seeks to live a life in penance for that birth from sin.
Those are the theme-lessons from the movie. The biggest single-lesson and takeaway I got from the film was the importance of knowledge and how knowledge really is power. Javert can think and feel he’s doing the right thing all he wants but wouldnt be able to achieve any of what he thinks is right without thorough research, investigation, calculation, strategy and understanding of the people and city he is dealing with. Likewise, ValJean can think and feel Javert or anyone else is acting inappropriately all he wants but without a similar intellectual arsenal, he is helpless to make any of the change he desires.
This is on fantastic display when Javert is harshly penalizing Fantine, following the letter of the law with no compassion or mercy which he sees as nothing but counterproductive weakness contributing to the problem it is his duty to rectify. ValJean, as Mayor has the power to pardon Fantine but it is only through his precise knowledge of the law that he is able to achieve his goal.
In the future I intend to examine this jail scene in a video. In the mean time, I was unable to find it clipped online, but this other scene demonstrating the battle of knowledge with competing interests is a close 2nd:
Every DramaQueen you know is about to “dream a dream of time gone by”
Brace yourself, Facebook & Twitter… As soon as your [mostly gay and female] friends go see Les Miserables, your feed will be filled with statuses of the lyric “I had a dream my life would be, so different from this hell i’m living” – each one thinking that it speaks directly to them with unique personal accuracy, totally feeling the pain of an impoverished 18th century woman on the verge of death with no place to live and an illegitimate child for whom she has to sell her hair and prostitute herself to support. Her struggle is EXACTLY like everyone tapping away their emo pain on their smartphones to their social profiles. and we’re all about to hear of it…
Other lyrics that will be clipped can be seen here:
[Fantine is left alone, unemployed and destitute]
[FANTINE]
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he’ll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
Watching Game of Thrones: first 2 episodes
Over the summer I made a sacred promise this summer that my eyes would view this Home Box Office television series and my target view-date and deadline was Thanksgiving weekend with the fam in Florida. Well tonight was the night and I started with episode 1 and we got to e2. First nights take on it:
Episode 1:
Kindov a snooze-fest. I need to be pulled into something interesting right away if i’m going to be excited about making this time investment to this series and it didnt happen with this. In fact, within the first few minutes, my mom heckled the screen, announcing “I like Dexter better”. I do too. but we stuck through it. My dad and brother warmed up to it. by ep 2. Sister in law bailed. meh.
So I still dont know if we’re in another dimension or another planet or what but I think the throne game is about marrying kingdoms or something? Like a land & country musical chairs? idk.
Episode 2:
ohh, you know what? -that main dude is the “brace yourself” guy. ahhh. it all makes somewhat kindov sense now.
I stopped at the end of 2 so im not in it enough to love or hate individuals yet.
Prince Phaggotry McWimpyJerk is fun.
doggystyle-MaritalRape blonde is bangable enough to let her look me in the eye while i’m sheathing my sword in her holster.
I dont give a fkk about these wolfdogs.
the dwarf is cool.
and… swords. im pro-swords.
Dragons, friends, trust and rape
Excellent summary of what friendship is, right here:
“Friendship- my definition- is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble.”
-evidently this is from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, which I would say I would read if I read books and would say I would watch the original if I read movies, but I WILL watch the American version I guess – and NOW it will be for an additional reason than just the promise of rape.
Air Movies: The Lorax, Hunger Games & Chimpanzee
I flew to New York today and watched movies. This is my story…
The movie for the peasants on the plane was The Lorax, which I tried to sample (especially since I wrote a blog in 2001 echoing my idea from 1994 to make a feature length version of it with Danny Devito as the voice. go me) but it was just too awful to endure. Idk why Hollywood finds it so difficult to extrapolate these short stories to full length features, but after only 2 minutes of filler I was thinking “is this Dr Seuss or Pokemon? cuz I feel like I’m watching a Snorlax, not the Lorax!!!1 OMFGLOLRIGHTYOUGUYZ??? myea. I had no choice but to stop after audibly shouting “NO” at the screen when I heard that the Oncelor (no longer a faceless symbol of unbridled corporatism but instead a shitty Ed Helms character vehicle) lives “where no grass grows”… replacing the original line of “where the Grickle Grass grows”. -Da fuq are you making such meaningless negative uncreative generic dumbass changes for, you tools?
So instead I flipped to the New Releases section on my Samsung tablet stocked with movies that they give you in First Class and watched The Hunger Games. More reaction to follow, but my summary review: After you get past the first 45 minutes of poorly crafted bullshit, its a fun/good movie, but the premise lost me in the real-life fact that females don’t even compete with males in sports like *GOLF* because we’re so physically superior…and i’m supposed to believe that randomly selected teenage chicks are fairing just as well or better against males in fights to the death? Chyea. mo-kay. I was with the whole dystopian future thing, but the credibility completely died when they asked us to believe that girls can do stuff.
Finally, I watched 70% of Disney’s nature “documentary” Chimpanzee. Doc is in quotes cuz while it tells an interesting story of a chimp family, it humanizes it a little too much. Rival chimps are dubbed the villains led by the evil Scar and his “thugs” when really they’re just…rival chimps. The only thing that makes this one the “good guys” is that Disney camera crews were following them. They even hunt down smaller monkeys and eat them – and these are the heroes we’re supposed to be rooting for.
Tim Allen does the narration. With the Santa Clause and Toy Story movies plus other Disney features plus Home Improvement having been on ABC (owned by Disney), I almost started thinking up a conspiracy. Then I got distracted cuz the flight attendant asked me if I wanted blackberry sauce, whipped cream, nuts or fudge on my vanilla sundae. to which I obviously replied “yes” (idk who they think they’re fooling by using the word “or” in their question. eff outta here, like I’m gonna make choices). Whats worse is that the option was either cheese & crackers or the sundae. lol to losers who cant eat ice cream and have to eat fkkn crackers for dessert. -& ya. movies…
Bonding over movies that everyone else has seen
Going to watch my first James Bond movie soon. The one with Madona. not cuz of her. cuz of a sword fighting scene I was shown.
On the subject of slutty dates, I said “just booze em up and the world is your tomorrow, or something (i just made that nonsense phrase up. thinking about spreading it to hipsters)” and was informed of these two film titles:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_Is_Not_Enough
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomorrow_Never_Dies
Then we started talking about swords, I saw a scene and blah blah blah – Ima see’z my first movie about a secret agent constantly almost-getting-killed or something.
Update: I never saw the movie but I forget why. This post is now as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike.