My Pre-Comments & Post-Review of Toy Story 3
I am about to FINALLY see Toy Story 3 today, so before I do I’ve made a list of hopes and predictions…
Things I want to see in Toy Story 3:
–A Western adventure imagination for Woody: nows the chance to match the Buzz space-adventure that turned out to be a video (with graphics that still don’t exist in video games 11 years later) at the beginning of Toy Story 2. Maybe Woody misses and partially regrets not going to the Japanese museum he could have gone to in T2 and longing to be the star even more now that he’s been unplayed with for years and goes into a fantasy or dream about the Woodys Roundup gang having a real adventure. I really hated that in Buzz’s video game he is still a toy though and although its certain that if a similar sequence is in T3, Woody will too be a toy, I really wish they would correct this and make him real. That means no doll hinges on his elbows and and knees, no pull string and no wooden head. Make him a real dude. won’t happen but I can dream about dreams in a fantasy movie.
–Sid & Hannah: we know Andy is is his late teens in the movie and unless his little sister Molly is away at camp or something, we’ll see her grown up too – now we just need to check in on Andy’s former next door neighbor and toy torturing punk, Sid and his sister. Not for more than a minute, but a brief cameo is eagerly anticipated.
–Another finely executed work-together plan: Toy Story 2’s sequences were mostly searching and fighting. in Toy Story 1, Woody hatches a collaborative plot to escape Sids house that utilizes all the toys strengths and it makes for an awesome montage. T3 sends the toys to a daycare so I’m guessing there is an escape involved there too, so I’m hoping for another “Legs… you’re with Ducky” attack plan.
–Unmutated, mutant toys: this one is partial cheating since I saw the beetle action figure in his intact form is in T3, but i’d like to see some of the others hopping around in the background here and there maybe.
–More toys from our childhood: Toy Story 2 introduced Barbie and the Rockem Sockem boxers and… that’s about it. the rest of the focus was on the Woodys Roundup gang and the cameos of toys from the T1. T3 has an opportunity to really go for it in this arena, especially since the setting is a Day Care. I wanna see plastic food, GI Joe type action figures, more plush animals, a Cabbage Patch and/or My Buddy/Kid Sister parody, more iconic oldschool trinkets – the works.
–Disposable new characters: dammit Pixar, you better handle this right… don’t give me any new characters I will want to see more of. Don’t be like Star Wars throwing General Grievious into the mix in the last act only to get rid of him an hour later and make me go “hey, we wanna see more a THAT guy”. This purple Teddy bear and whoever else is added better serve their purpose for moving the plot forward only and then EXIT before becoming distracting.
–Mr Potato Head putting his body parts on a tortilla: I’ve always wanted to see what would happen if — okay, just kidding. This one was added to the list in an UPDATE after I saw the movie… the rest were all genuine before-viewing predictions and hopes though.
UPDATE (with SPOILERS): No Sid or Hannah :(. bummer… Good movie though, however flawed with distracting foibles. Will do a video review with clips as soon as it comes out on DVD.
I have lots of comparisons to other movies (none that were intentional or at least obviously intentional homages or parodies). I’ll give away one…
There’s a scene where the toys lock hands and embrace an inevitable death (i cried) – which vindicates me since for a long time after seeing Aladdin when the palace tower is rolling down the mountain side and Aladdin balls himself up into it’s path, I had thought he was accepting that he was fucked and had decided to kill himself – only to by chance be lucky enough to have been in the hole of the window during the roll. On later viewings of the movie it is more obvious that he wasn’t giving up but rather saw the window and ducked into the roll to save, not kill himself. I felt dumb after the realization cuz it was like “duh, they’re not just gonna have people saying ‘well, i guess i die now, better embrace it’ in a Disney movie” and then BAM… 15 years later: exactly that happens.
Anyway, I brought that up cuz when the Toys bring themselves to be at peace with dying, Mr and Mrs Potato Head clutch each other as they roll towards death and it made me think of the old couple in bed as their cabin fills with water in Titanic…
It’s also pretty jarring that the main toys are the only ones to survive the holocaust of Andy’s growing up. No fucking Bo Peep though? Jesus… Molly is only like 12 years old. she didnt want a nice little lamp and girly figurine? evidently not since she doesn’t even want her Barbie. Peeps absence makes sense for the writers though: she’s made of porcelain – she couldn’t have gone on any of the adventures. she would have chipped, cracked and shattered in day care even if she was put on display somewhere and would have been destroyed beyond recognition at the trash dump so the choice was to either cut her out completely or repeat Toy Story 2’s formula of having her at the beginning – miss all the action – and then bookend her there at the end again. It was sad to see her go but my better judgment knew it was for the best. 🙁
Toy Story continued its Star Wars theme in this regard in that the farm boy who lost everything and then gained everything (Luke/Woody) looked like he would end up with the girl only to have a rivalry that later turned into a friendship with the space traveler (Han/Buzz) who ended up being the unlikely one to find love in the end.
Oops. Ima STFU before I give any more of my observations away…
Come see my video review of this in the fall 🙂
UPDATE: well bust my buttercups… I spit my apple juice out and leaned in close to the screen like a CSI detective as I found out that Sid Phillips is in fact in Toy Story 3 after all… behold. he is the garbage man who drums on the mailboxes as he comes to pick up the trash at each house. I still would have rather had this pointed out or better yet – have him see Woody on the ground and freak out in terror, but at least he is there and we can see what he’s up to: sporting a goatee, his childhood skull shirt and a lucrative career in waste management… very under-the-radar, Pixar… So far I think i’m the only one on the planet to have caught this, so when it becomes a more widely known Easter-egg in the movie (it’s not THAT hidden, after all, but no one that I know of has commented on it anywhere): remember where you saw it FIRST….
Kids sequels fail at not sucking [UPDATE: except Shrek 4]
Lion King 2 is a piece of shit. total lack of subtly. wooden characters. only 1 good song. Andy Dick excels in a supporting role, but Nathan Lane and Mathew Broderick are wasted in this lackluster ending to the beloved saga whose efforts in superior quality over other Disney direct-to-video sequels are not enough to sa…ve “Simbas Pride” from being anything but something to be proud of.
first ones a masterpiece. Disneys golden 3: Beauty & the Beast, Aladdin, Lion King. flawless.
how much do I love my family?… I’m about to go pay cash money to see Shrek 4… #martyr.
(plus i need to see who this Rumplestiltsfag is that everyone thinks looks/acts like me. sigh..)
UPDATE: i will have to answer for what I said about this character when Raptor Jesus comes for us all on judgment day. I hope only that my apology and lifetime of penance will make up for my blasphemy said through ignorance and stupidity. this movie was… well, it was kindov lame like the others – but this character was FUCKING AWESOME. I’m still loling. God bless Walt Dohrn, co-writer and voice actor of the motherfucking godzzzzzzzz.
Charles Chaplin (actor/director), The Riddler (1960s Batman), Plucky Duck (Tiny Toons), the color green (plants/synthetic) – extend your collective arms and welcome your new friend into the richardland hall of Heros: thy name is Rumpelstiltskin (Shrek 4, 2010). fkking illegally downloading NOW to recut that movie of only his scenes. <33333333333333
UPDATE: Riley Bushnell recreates:
Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland is a weird mess (in the bad way)
From the Grandpa-Rich file: Movies are weird. i don’t understand them.
I just saw Alice in Wonderland… and eh…what eh…the eff WAS that?… seriously.. what was. ANY. of. “that”. i just. i dont. i… dude – what WAS that?? I don’t get the plot (couldn’t describe it to you if i tried), don’t know why it was called “Alice in Wonderland” when it wasn’t based on either of the books and I don’t understand what any of anything had to do with anything whatsoever.
At the theater there was a long line to get into something that I guess was premiering that night. Something called “Babe, I love you”, which I never heard of. There were signs posted that 2 showings were sold out though so it must be something huge. I googled it when i got home and…wow…
I have no idea what to say other than – How is this real? From the mixed language dialog to the cheesy acting to the over-the-top announcer… what the eff… Its a Phillipino film, but still – even factoring in a cultural difference, this film reeks of WTF. watch this trailer and be amazed that this exists and is super popular…
UPDATE: a commenter told me they thought Alice in Wonderland was “gay, retarded, boring and too short”. funny. like the old (i think its a jewish joke) “the food is terrible here. and such small portions!”
Busta is busted
It is time to publicly acknowledge that “Busta” was never a term… there is a reason no one ever heard it used throughout the 90s: it didnt exist. not by definition of a black version of a douchebag anyway. there is evidence of it being used as a “punk” or someone who “busts chops”, but its time to put this busta business to bed.
Now that its 10 years later, can we all admit that TLC probably invented “scrubs” as a slang word and absolutely without a doubt pulled “busta” out of their ass?
no one in even the darkest corners of the ghetto had ever heard of a “busta” in context of being a male with no money or resources who thinks he’s “fly” before that lame ass song.
It’s time to usher in a new era of honesty in language.
Ariels mom was smashed by fisherman boats
Forget Bambi – Ariels mom is the most WTF Disney death.
When I said that, it was thought to be a joke. I wish it were… check it: Tri & his redhaired bride are chillin above surface making music and having fun with other merfolk when pirates come along to kill them. they all dive except ariels mom goes back for that clam thing which is a music box and gets killt, causing a forever ban on surfacing. its lame as hell, executed poorly and they didn’t even try to make “mom” any different than Ariel other than increasing her seashell cup size a few.
The poor character design in Ariels mom is pretty obnoxious. also makes you wonder why the other daughters look totally different. the awkward unsaid answer: different moms… and i guess ariels was the only one he cared about. Aquata, Andrina, Arista, Atina, Adella, and Allana? aint nuthin but trick ass ho’s.
The death scene is pretty messed up too. imagine this in slow motion with menacing music and you have all you need to know…
No, Disney doesn’t hate moms
“Have you ever noticed how n a majority of Disney movies the mom is either dead or not in the picture?? whats up with that??” No, but I’ve heard people say that and am not sure why you guys think that.
When my 10th grade Spanish teacher Mr Holt made this claim I totally bought the premise, but over the years thinking about it, I’ve come to call total B.S. on it. who has a dead mom besides Bambi, Belle, Jasmine, Ariel and Nemo? max from a goofy movie? I think she’s a waitress in Greenbow Alabama still and just slipped into Goofys dorm one night and took control like in Forest Gump, but thats just a theory. Still though – even if you count both parents deceased (which is entirely not-fair to an allegedly anti-mom claim) and include Cinderella, Snow White, Tarzan and Lilo, you’re left with a tiny number still giving an overwhelming majority of Disney families with living and loving parents.
When I had this discussion on Facebook, the possibility was raised that maybe the moms that aren’t mentioned are just out of the picture like Jasmines and Ariels and not actually dead. but no. they’re both dead. Muslims don’t do divorce and Ariels mom was smashed by a fisherman’s boat, causing Tritons hate for humanity.
Weird Al Yankovic, the movie
the Weird Al Yankovic true life story, finally on film…
Meet the Animated-Time-Travel Confusion
Liveblogging an episode of iCarly
omfg, iCarly and little geeky dude are SO making out! this is the happiest day of my life!!!!1
dude. they’re kissing like every 14 seconds. this is so awesome. GO LITTLE GEEKY DUDE!
what the shit?? Carlys older brother was just revealed to be in one of the lockers at her school. ya… im pretty sure 33 year old men are NOT allowed in middle school girls lockers.
Freddie just asked “are we like…boyfriend and girlfriend now?”. uhm, i fucking HOPE so. you’ve been kissing like every 4 minutes. you could get AIDS that way.
Carlys little blonde whore-friend is trying to ruin everything now. BUZZ OFF SLUT.
oh crap. she’s getting to him… she’s in his head now. she told him Carly doesn’t love “him”, she loves “what he did” (he pushed her out of the way from a car or something and broke his leg).
dude, youre so retarded. who cares WHY she loves you. HIT THAT.
this little faggot has SO much to learn about women.
you NEVER dump a girl because she “loves you for the wrong reasons”. what the shit is that?? uhm, hi: there ARE no right reasons. girls love you for your money or power or bullshit poetry or cuz you treat them like shit just like their father did. girls are stupid. they don’t examine your character and make logical judgments on compatibility. wtf.
i hate this show.
this show is awesome.